Carole's Story

My Dear Family and Friends,

My breast pain started in May 2004. At first, the doctors diagnosed it as chest pain- until all the tests came back negative. After that, they passed it off as stress. Though it didn't quite sit right with me, I reluctantly went along with the stress idea. But the pain didn't go away.

On August 4, 2004, I visited a breast surgeon. As last as that date, the surgeon said he didn't feel anything in my breast, but that he could go in and have a look if I kept having pain. Less than a month after seeing him, I felt a lump in my right breast.

The doctors finally diagnosed me with breast cancer September 28, 2004. I had a mastectomy on October 24, 2004 and went through what turned out to be the first of many rounds of extensive chemotherapy from December 22, 2004 through May 4, 2005.

Most people don't realize how complex this disease is and the many forms it can take. There are so many different types of breast cancer; not just one kind. I had Ductile Carcinoma, cell stage 2B, HER2NEU positive gene, metastatic breast cancer- the most aggressive form.

I cast my net far and wide to develop my own support network after getting this life-changing news. Yes, I was sad, and I was definitely afraid. I remember e-mailing my pastor to tell him I was scared. When he asked me what I was afraid of, I could;t bring myself to say it. I didn't want to tell him that I -an ordained deacon, a minister-in-training and a doing-my-best-to-be-a-good-Christian sister-was afraid to die.

But my sadness was not for me. It was for my mother, daughter and family. I was sad they had to see me go through all I went through. My heart especially hurt for my mother. I felt I should be taking care of her, not her taking care of me. I could't let my heart go to where my mother's heart must have been. I could not envision my daughter in my place or me in my mother's shoes. But in the back of my mind, I also understood that God had chosen me for this test. I had no choice but to accept the challenge.

A chapter called Big Girl Faith from a book by Rev. Claudette Copeland has inspired me greatly. It talks about how we move through life professing and praising Jesus' name while dealing with small-time stuff. But when God is ready to move us to the next level, God puts us in situations that only "big girl faith" can handle.

Here are just a few of the things I've learned during my journey.

• Depend on God for your comfort. Even though so many people have surrounded me with love, there were lots of lonely moments that only God could fill.

• Trust in God. We all know and say this, but do we truly trust God when put to the test?

• Have faith in God. Where is your faith when trials of this nature happen? It is only your faith that will count. You can't depend on borrowed faith.

• Remember God already has a plan. I had to remember everyday that God already had a plan for me. My job was to trust the plan and handle it in a manner that pleased God.

• It's OK to cry. The tears from crying wash out the old and moisten the path for the new.

• It doesn't cost a thing to smile. My mother used to tell me to alsways smile. I later learned a smile could warm someone's heart.

• Laughter is good for the soul! So laugh loudly and often.

Remember, God has a purpose and a plan. I pray everyday for the miracle of God to shine through me-so I can move me out of the way and let God take control. I strive to be an inspiration to others, to help others as I was helped, and to bless others as I was blessed.

Thank you for inspiring me, helping me, taking care of me, loving me. Please remember me by passing on the story of my journey - a simple quest for big girl faith.

With heartfelt love and deep appreciation,

Carole

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